kjata: (so rudely forc’d)
'Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse
oculis meis vidi in ampulla pendere, et cum
illi pueri dicerent: Σιβυλλα τι θελεις;
respondebat illa: αποθανειν θελω.'



I have seen with my own eyes the Sibyl
hanging in a jar, and when the boys
asked her: What do you want;
She answered: I want to die.
The Waste Land | T.S. Eliot


28 y.o. female who goes by the name grue or glitzy, depending on where you know me from. If we're just saying hallo here on DW, then go with whatever you want, I answer to both and honestly have no personal preference.

Entries are mostly public. I talk about writing, fandom, politics, dogs, my failure at the self-publishing racket, games I'm playing or downloading, anecdotes from my surroundings that amuse me, and so on. I am active on steam an insane amount, and if you want to add me on there I won't say no.

My current fandom fixations are Star Wars (Kylux, Poe/Leia), Marvel (Steve/Tony), and an assortment of smallish fandoms that I flit in and out of. Plotting out a Justin Trudeau/Emmanuel Macron fic too, because I'm not enough of a horrible person yet, I just gotta make it worse.

I add back/mutual subscribe anyone and everyone provided they don't look like a bot or a Trump supporter. What can I say, I'm easy.
kjata: (flaming a coolly bell)
11/6/2017 wordcount: 2,041

all of that on my Kylux reverse bang, because life has been an absolute shitshow since wednesday and I only calmed down enough today to get back to it. and tomorrow will be monday, so i'll be back to freaking the fuck out as soon as the sun's up, most likely.

at least the hockey was good. i was so fucking certain they were going to go into overtime but NOPE, two goals at the end there, like just one wasn't good enough to win, they had to emphasize it. now i can go back to pretending hockey doesn't exist until the next playoffs start, ahahah /bad fan
kjata: (kissing this and that of you)
Now that I've decided to go all in as a Penguins fan, I'm seeing how much people just absolutely hate that team. Like, piss and bile all over the place just because they exist. And I'm of course confused all to fucking hell because how can anyone hate Sidney Crosby's dumb face???

I actually had to remove someone on twitter over this because he was calling the Pens "prissy little bitches" and shit, and I was just. I was just like, "Dude, you're an overweight mid-40s guy, do you seriously think you're hot shit for smacktalking some hockey players who would totally lay you out in one half-assed blow?" I mean, really.

Whatever. Even if I wasn't a Pens fan I wouldn't respect that rhetoric. Chest-thumping and the poison of the male machismo is so tiring, I don't want to deal with that crap on my feed unless it's the punchline to a low hanging fruit joke.


I was an idiot over a week ago and stayed awake for over 40 hours. Been recovering for a while because of that, lots of muddled mouth breathing and bleary grumbling. And so many deadlines are creeping up on me, if I weren't so out of it I'd be totally panicking by now. I get the next four days to myself though, so hopefully I'll somehow get back on track.
kjata: (kissing this and that of you)
[community profile] raremaleslashex sign-ups are open. I actually nominated some things this time! Have six potentials to request and seven to offer, so gonna try to whittle that down a bit before I submit a sign-up. (If I don't think better of it between now and then, anyway. Pressure? What pressure???)


Three out of the four winning bidders on my offers for STH have responded with affirmatives so far. Guess this is actually happening, time to do the proverbial loin girding and get ready for some deadline shaking... yanno, other than the current deadlines that are already making me shake ahahaha.


Poking at the Twine Story Engine again. Think I might try to make some short-- like, between 2 to 5k words sort of short-- stories with it and use Marmoset Hexels to illustrate at key points. I need to try something to get some visibility to my original books, and idk the game community has treated me okay thus far. If I offer free gamebooks hosted on my server it might turn into sales. Won't know until I try, anyway!

This is all moot until summer is over and my deadlines are met, so whatever. See how it goes.
kjata: (vidi in ampulla pendere)
24/5/2017 wordcount: 259

...eh. I've done worse. Done better, too, but deffo done a lot worse.


[community profile] treatyoselfcomm exchange is now open for sign-ups. It's designed so that you're writing for yourself, but with a deadline and an assigned cheerleader to get you to finish it. No penalty for dropping out apparently, but I like the concept so I signed up.

This is turning into another Summer of Kylux for me. There will be some Steve/Tony mixed in, but all my deadlines outside of the STH auction are Kylux-related now.

(except for the Not Prime Time fic, but shhhh, not allowed to talk about that one.)
kjata: (polymorphous and demoniacal faces)
Made my last post private. Thank you to everyone who offered support, but I'm super embarrassed that I went splat like that so totally gonna make private and pretend it never happened now.


MY HEAD IS BETTER. Still have the usual headache, and I still have to wear sunglasses when the sun is up, but right now? Dead of night? I CAN LOOK AROUND WITHOUT WANTING TO VOMIT. It's so great, you guys. I feel so magical, so free.


I started on the third episode of The Last Door tonight. LMAO at the eye in the keyhole actually scaring me, I quickly leaned back with my arms thrown up in an X in front of me. If that's not an indication of watching too much anime as a kid, I don't know what is.

Probably going to push for finishing it tonight, then do episode four tomorrow. I love the atmosphere of this game, but the story hasn't really hooked me, if that makes sense. Like, no investment whatsoever in the outcome, but I'm playing because it's doing a good job being creepy? Idk. I like it enough to get the second game when the Summer Sale hits, at least. And the music is fucking fantastic, so glad they give you the OST along with the game so you can rock out to eerie violins at will :D

Now that my eyes are starting to track again I managed to play a bit more of Bioshock. I forgot I had a security drone hacked and following me-- how I forgot, I've no idea, cos those things are fucking loud-- but I was trying to sneak around to get a good angle on the Splicers downstairs before I opened fire, and whoops, there went that when the drone started rat-a-tatting along. Eh heh heh heh.

Also started Dishonored now that it's finished downloading. Holy crap this is like playing a China Mieville novel, I'm in love. Though totally laughing that because this is Arkane Studios, of course the story starts out inside of a prison. Of course it does.


Usual reminder, Stony Trumps Hate has begun and runs through the 27th. If you or someone you know likes to ship Steve/Tony and also likes to give to charity, check it out!
kjata: hellboy (apollo bows to the superior throne;)
No words today cos bleargh, puke, etc etc etc.

deadlines for the rest of the summer so far. )


HOW TO PROCRASTINATE, by grue, age 28

10 cast about something to do on reddit/dw/twitter
20 look up table flipping emoji
30 find table flipping emoji. see: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
40 look up table fixing emoji.
50 find table fixing emoji. see: ┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)
60 queue a million HOGs on Steam for binge-play in June.
70 check stony trumps hate tumblr; "like" all auction posts made live since last loading (three hrs ago)
80 open scrivener of any on-going projects with hardened resolve.
90 close scrivener of any on-going projects in abject defeat.
100 GOTO 10
kjata: (now when the purple morn had chas’d away)
The last few days has been fighting through the urge to vomit and mostly failing. What I'm bemused by at the moment is that when I'm so depressed it's like sitting at the bottom of a well in the dead of night with no ladder in sight, I hardly have any migraines at all-- but right now I'm middling in my mood and I might get three or four days a month if I'm lucky where my head doesn't feel like if I look at something the wrong way my eyes will pop out of my skull and brain will leak from my nostrils.

Oh well, that's life. Doing a bit better today, but I spent the entirety of yesterday sleeping off and on, so that probably had something to do with it.


Deleted my everywoman sign-up and told the mods of Stony Trumps Hate to put up two winnable slots on each of my offers. With my head pinging like this, and the June 23rd deadline for everywoman that is apparently in place, I figure I'll have an easier time writing Steve/Tony for charity than freaking over doing justice for a recipient in an exchange. Anyone who bids on my offers in the auction will know what they're getting into beforehand, there's less pressure there.

(Bidding starts on the 21st, btw, and there are a shitload of excellent writers and artists offering their services in exchange for striking a blow against the shit Trump is perpetuating in the world right now, so if you're into Steve/Tony maybe have a look?)


Drinking flat Monster to try for some energy and focus so I can write today. Have a Not Prime Time fic, the Love Trumps Hate fic, and three addtnl chapters of my pinch hit to work on. All those scrivener files are open on the toolbar, staring at me. Mocking meeeeeee. Shit god damn.
kjata: muppets (only time will tell if i'll allow)
12/5/2017 wordcount: 725

My pinch hit goes live tonight, so I'm biting my nails a full twelve hours beforehand ofc. Three more chapters are outlined to tag on after they're fully written, and I guess that is when I'll bother posting the link here. So not immediately after my name is attached to the work-- which is the 20th?-- but some indefinite point in the future when the story is done beyond a clumsy one-shot wrap-up.

And there's going to be a separate story follow-up to that, also, because I can't leave well enough alone. Oh well, I wanted to write original work for MYWYN this year, and though it's a bit late to start I might as well steady on. Though hopefully this story won't take 80k to tell in total. That would be a bit overkill even for me.


Mother is in ER. This is planned, her nephrologist told her if the antibiotics don't make her feel SUPER GREAT BETTER by today then she was to go to the ER where they will find her a bed and hook her up to an IV with a custom-made drug to attack the infection. But still- she's in the ER, and ugh.

At least this is a different hospital than her usual, because the Doctor moved offices and switched where he has privileges, and so far no one has accused her of faking. Which the last ER doctor did after she had been brought in via ambulance during a stroke.

JFC, the medical community in this country. You get some gems, but most of them are assholes looking to victimise the easy marks :/
kjata: supernatural (stone crumbles. wood rots.)
Have no wordcount to report right now, though I am Working On It, but the on-going projects taking up my brainpower is a MCU one-off that I'm writing on a lark and also my Fandom Trumps Hate Kylux fic. And and and an immediate follow-up to the pinch hit that isn't even public yet, ahahahahahaha sob.

(An example of how I brain: saw a headline that said "One Laser is Enough" and my offended response was "how dare you! you can never have too many lasers!" So now in the aforementioned follow-up story there's a waterlogged cyborg ranting about lasers after the MC accuses it of overkill. As you do.)


The last three days have been a total haze, I don't know what happened. It was hot out and the locusts were being assholes in the tree outside my window? I was passed out and thought I was laying on a metal bar but turns out I was causing a huge bruise on my thigh because I was sleeping on my phone? The Gnomish Overlords demanded tribute, and when I had nothing to give they struck me down into the Abyss?


Alan Wake will be 90% off from the 13th through the 15th, at which time it will cease to be sold, period. They have to renew the music licenses, and since Bowie and Depeche Mode are on the soundtrack, that'll.. probably not happen. So if you want the game, better buy it now!
kjata: mcr ((cos) this ain't a room full of suicide)
5/5 to 8/5/2017 wordcount: 2,057
9/5/2017 wordcount: 4,582

Edited, posted to archive, done \o/

There's my NPT fic to get started on, but I'm gonna take a guilt-free day and rest my brain first.


Changed the brightness level on Bioshock so I can see wtf is going on, and whoom, the anxiety is gone and I can play it now. Currently on the Medical Pavilion level, have already saved/rescued one little sister and trying to find the second. I'm playing on easy and finding Medkits everywhere so there's no stress rn.

(Even on easy I'm sure the medkits are not as plentiful later in the game, but I figure I'll be better at the fight mechanics by then and it won't be a travesty.)


I have a backlog of comments and entries to get to, whoops.
kjata: star wars (mechanized brothels in the)
Star Wars Ep VII: TFA
Poe Dameron/Finn
7k words; T for Teen
Written for the 2017 May The 4th Exchange

There's no pain when Finn wakes up from taking a lightsaber to the back, just a woozy swoop and dip from all the meds in his IV and his first time seeing a Wookie doctor. He's fully cognisant for all of ten minutes before they put him under again, and when they let him wake up this time the entire Resistance has moved house from D'Qar to D'Way.

"You've got to be kidding me," he croaks at some pilot standing there, a short, light-skinned woman wearing long braids who looks like she wants to be anywhere else.

"It was Poe's joke, don't piss on the messenger," she says, then wrinkles her nose in reconsideration. "Or throw your bed pan at me."


read on ao3




hark! The only time I will (probably) ever write Stormpilot!
kjata: (when you're hiding in your fear)
Sometimes I lie to myself because it’s the only way to do a thing I want to do. If I focus on how hard the thing will be, how scary it seems, I’d stay stuck in place forever. I’ve been tricking my anxiety for years, and mostly I think I win. I may feel like a failure inside my screwed-up brain, but I’m still moving forward. I might not feel the achievements as they occur, but they do exist. I hope one day I can celebrate my successes, but I’m not going to wait for that day. I choose to live, too.

Marisa Siegel, in today's Daily Rumpus Email: An Uphill Climb to I'm Not Sure Where
kjata: (in broken mathematics)
3/5/2017 wordcount: 1,144

With perseverance and no small amount of luck, I'll have the pinch hit done and posted on the 6th, or the 8th at the absolute latest. *spins in place*


The May the 4th Collection is live! I'll do a proper link to my contribution on the 8th when the reveals are set, but in the meantime yesssss, more Star Wars to claw through.

I received two fics! Both are Han/Leia-- One is Fast, Thorough, and Sharp as a Tack, a post-New Hope fic where Leia is getting her feet under her with Han trying to help and is oh so so good on the OTP FEELS. The second is A Blossoming Tundra, a treat where Han gives Leia a flower on Hoth that made me SCREECH WITH HAPPINESS :D All the glee! All of it!


Thinking of signing up for [community profile] het_bigbang, but I need to make a timeline of my current deadlines to see where it falls and if it is thus doable. I automatically write m/m and f/f everywhere, so signing up for a challenge that INSISTS on heterosexual relationships would be a nice excuse to roam out of my comfort zone. And maybe (MAYBE) I could write more Sam/Moses. Cough cough cough or some Poe/Leia cough cough.


Played through D-District Prison in FF8 last night when I was too tired to write but not tired enough to sleep. I might've just been a Too Serious Child, but I do not remember the goofy dialogue AT ALL from when I played it constantly as a kid/teenager. Huh.

Was also thinking of other PSX games I'd like to see ported, and Legend of Dragoon was a fucking good one. Shit god damn did I love that battle system.
kjata: (vidi in ampulla pendere)
1/5/2017 wordcount: 1,388
2/5/2017 wordcount: 2,718

The scrivener for the pinch hit is still open, so unless I start going in circles again I'll probably write more before I sack out.


I only stayed drunk that one night. Found out I really cannot focus while buzzed, and writing is more important than self-medicating through grief, so here I sit. Writing instead of drinking. Booooooo.


Tried Bioshock again last night. Got to where the female splicer hidden in the darkness says "I will wrap you in a sheet..." when I noped out again. Holy crap why does this game freak me out so much???
kjata: panic! at the disco (it's always worried me)
I signed up for Stony Trumps Hate, and you should too!

I have much more confidence about my ability to blitz through deadlines now than I did years ago, so am trying to sign up for more exchanges, auctions, etc, that won't take over my life or take time away from my personal projects. Tried to sign up for a Pinch Hit last night but boooo, I got there too late ):


electrogastrogram now has four kudos on ao3! That's more feedback than when I had it up for sale! AHAHAHAHHAHA no seriously this is funny. I am so not made to do this self-publishing bit, since I fail so hard at promoting myself. Perhaps I should look into seeing about sending books to agents again? But exhaustion says no.

We'll see who wins this round, exhaustion. The war ain't over yet! *seethes*


My day is basically formatting the rest of hooversuck, finally getting the latest issue of Poe Dameron to read because I hear there is MEAT PASTE (cough cough thank you Lynda cough), and if I have the energy for it, poking at that mostly-done Kylux fic I have open to see if I can get it post-ready. It's been too long, Kylux fandom. I am ready to come back home.
kjata: marion cotillard (like two X’s like punched-in eyes)
Meme from [personal profile] used_songs:
List the first lines of your last 20 stories (or however many you have altogether). See if there are any patterns. Then, tag your favorite authors.


10 WIPs )

10 already posted fics )


And for a lol bonus cos I'm too lazy to figure out where this would fit in the order of things, the first line of superannuated:
George Cuvier's suit is ruined in the middle of a supermarket.

OMG SO RIVETING.



Uh, so patterns. All except two of the quoted pieces mention the Main Character in the first line, either by name or by direct gender reference (He/She). Most of them are short statements, but that's common with present tense so whatever. Only two begin with dialogue, the rest are character/scenic observations.

I'm too tired to put much more thought into it, but I'm sure this summary of my current comfort zone re: openings will lead so something invaluable in the future.


Not tagging anyone specifically, if the meme interests you then you should totally go for it.
kjata: traverser (one dignity delays for all)
27/4/2017 wordcount: a minuscule 484, but that was all on editing hooversuck which I've been putting off for MONTHS, so it's all good.


To ~reward~ myself for getting a daily wordcount again I went ahead and got some historic low-price games from the Squeenix Spring Sale. Not as much as I wanted, ofc, but walking away with four games for < $12 is pretty damn good. And one of those games went to my mother, so whoop whoop.

ANYWAY since Origin isn't working right now because it requires an update and the client won't update on this current connection (waiting until my data renews on the 30th, then I can get it going again) I'm just having Steam download Gyromancer cos hey 150mb, then will let it continue with FF9. I immediately queued Murdered: Soul Suspect after getting it today and already have Dishonored and Arkham Asylum on the DQ from a few weeks ago, so it's not like I'm hurting for games to waste my internet time on downloading.


I've also had some level 5 or so randos add me out of nowhere on steam, and when I refuse the invite they try again. I checked their profiles and every single one of them has swastikas and shit in their profile comments so they can "lol meme", so I just made my profile private for a bit.

White Supremacists will get bored and go bother someone else, they always do. But god damn, I wish I knew what it was that put me on their radar so I could yank it away from them :/
kjata: the joker (who washes his hands of life)


So [personal profile] alexcat was talking about Mighty Mouse, and I was reminded of Andy Kaufman's crazy brilliance, and now here we are with this video. Are people still thinking he's alive somewhere, or has that been given up?

Aw damnit, now I'm getting pangs of nostalgia for Taxi -_____- Total gateway drug, pretty soon I'll be reminiscing about M*A*S*H and The Adventures of Pete and Pete again.
kjata: (hero’s valor acts and birth inspire)
26/4/2017 wordcount: 1,472

IT'S POSTED. My May the 4th fic has been posted, and idk when the reveals are but when my name is attached to it I'll be posting a link here. AHAHAHAHA I'M DONE! DONE!!!!!

My project for the rest of the month is to finish formatting hooversuck so that'll be all posted and done with on ao3 before MYWYN starts. I'll also be poking at various WIPs I've been sitting on to see where I can form a (reasonable) expectation of finishing, but eh, not setting the bar for that terribly high.


Humble Book Bundle: Berkley Breathed Collection. All of Bloom County for $15? Sign! Me! Up!!!

If you haven't read his stuff before, he's one of those cartoonists who used to go after Trump waaaay back in the 80s. And he came out of retirement as soon as Trump got the GOP nomination, so that's uh. One single good thing that came out of that clusterfuck. I guess. Erm...

I haven't read any of his Outland or OPUS strips, so I'm looking forward to getting that downloaded. But yaaaaay, Bloom County!
kjata: pathologic: the marble nest (set before my fellow-mortals a man)
Original Fiction
Gaspar Sra/Lewis Tooley (OMC/OMC)
19k words; E for Explicit
A weird fiction erotic romcom with a side-order of body horror that I wrote almost 3 years ago.

"Temporal diffusion," Gaspar repeats, "then they won't quarantine you."

"I could be contagious," Lewis points out. His voice is rough, like he's been screaming recently. He most likely was. Gaspar would totally scream all over the place if he had laid an egg in the shower and didn't know why.


read on ao3

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