kjata: (call all philosophy empirical)
original self-published novel
m/m, f/f, m/f pairings
70k words, considerable violence and puking so reader beware
book one in eventual series The City

A superhero who uses the moniker IGUANODON is hit with something like sex pollen while shopping at a grocers. His best friend, the villain CARNIVORA, intervenes by hiring the Mad Scientist Mary-Ann to concoct a cure. Something sinister is going on in the underbelly of The City, and every relatively active Super, Villain, Scientific Adjunct, and Vigilante will be affected.

Someone gets concussed regularly, another makes flamingos explode because he doesn't like them, and one of the Scientific Adjunct scrambles her particles every time she sneezes. All normal happenstance in this town.


buy for $2.99 USD on amazon

kjata: (so rudely forc’d)
Attack the Block
Sam/Moses
8k words; M for Mature; Underage
Written for Yuletide 2016

"I didn't do nothing," Moses blurts before he can stop himself. His pulse is pounding in his ears like it does in a fight. He wishes he had a weapon to defend himself with.

Sam slowly drops her bag from how she was holding it like an over-hand bludgeon. When she bought a new purse she got this hard-sided thing that she can use as a weapon if needed. Pest adores it, but Moses thinks it looks like an ammo box on straps.

read on ao3

kjata: the dark tower (Default)
Dear Yuletide Author,

Haven't written a letter before, so apologise in advance if it's a wee bit clunky.

HALLO, WRITER. I am grue. I like worldbuilding, crackfic, and maybe worldbuilding crackfic. WAFF is not my jam, neither is total grimdark. If you want to write darkish stuff, please let there be hope at the end so I don't get sad D:

Since I know how crappy it is to force writing via prompts, I try to be as hands-off as possible. If you want to write something, write it! So long as it features the characters I like, I am totally jelly.

Onto my three requests, ha!


Request: Futurama, character Bender Rodriguez

Bender is my favourite character, and so long as you match the tone of the show as well as you are able, I am fine with whatever you'd want to write about him. Coda to an episode, character development, Bender getting a limerick add-on installed just for the lulz, whatever you want.


Request: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, characters Serafina Pekkala & Lee Scoresby

The relationship between Serafina and Lee was so intriguing and yet so abruptly over that I would love some development. Fix-it fic where she saves him somehow or just a scene from before where they have some communication would be fine. I'll take anything, there is a severe lack of fic for these two and it. is. HORRIBLE.


Request: Hellboy (movies), character Hellboy

I request Hellboy every year, so if you're assigned this one, HI I LIKE HELLBOY AND WILL TAKE WHATEVER FOR HIM. No preference re: shipping, make him date Liz or date John or be a LONESOME DOVE, idgaf. Not fond of OT3s personally but if you really want to write a particular plot with that I'll read it. I like plot over shenanigans when it comes to the Mignolaverse, so even just a hint of something major going on in the background will make me salivate.


Thank you for writing something for me this Yuletide, and I cannot wait to see what is in store! :D :D :D
kjata: (in my beginning is my end)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
General Hux/Kylo Ren | Ben Organa Solo
16k words; M for Mature; Graphic Depictions of Violence
Part 2 in a series, what good's a brick to a drowning man.

A Tarkin, a Hutt, and a First Order General walk into a cantina on Nor Shaddaa. We are now taking bets on which of the three get out of there alive.


read on ao3

kjata: (call all philosophy empirical)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
General Hux/Kylo Ren | Ben Organa Solo
5k words; M for Mature; Graphic Depictions of Violence

Hux does not wince at the sight of a ragtag gathering of misfits who managed to successfully repel a First Order-sanctioned Planet Acquisition. But he wants to.

"The General of the Resistance will not proceed with negotiations for a ceasefire unless Lord Ren is in attendance," the old Mon Calamari says. Organa is standing just behind his shoulder and glowering at the screen like a raging wall of righteous vengeance. Or like an upset mother.

Hux cants his head a minutiae to the left and surreptitiously eyeballs Phasma. She shakes her head. He flicks his attention back to the holoscreen, grins with all his teeth at Organa's pinched face.

"I'm afraid Lord Ren is currently in medical so a medroid can shove his intestines back into his abdomen. May I take a message?"


read on ao3

kjata: (call all philosophy empirical)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
General Hux/Kylo Ren | Ben Organa Solo
10k words; M for Mature; Graphic Depictions of Violence
Part 1 in a series, what good's a brick to a drowning man.

General Hux is busy picking up the pieces of his career after the implosion of Starkiller, but he makes the time to accept the cut off bits of corpses that Kylo Ren brings to him as courting gifts.


read on ao3

kjata: (the lady of situations)
SNAPSHOTS OF MY MENTAL STATE ATM.

whoreson bob: omg
whoreson bob: omg
whoreson bob: omfffffg
whoreson bob: i should write my name is mayo fic
whoreson bob: fuse it with ALL the fandoms
whoreson bob: and just
whoreson bob: just terrorise ao3
whoreson bob: with my name is mayo

& then...

whoreson bob: my mother just knocked over her backpack for the upteenth time tonight, so I took it away from her
whoreson bob: she can't have it anymore if she's just gonna throw it on the ground like that
whoreson bob: when did I become the mother to a 65 y.o. toddler?

& then...

whoreson bob: you were screwing in an armpit, idk if that qualifies as "happiness"

& finally...

whoreson bob: i should redownload My Beautiful Laundrette so i can rip the plot for a Star Wars AU
King BUcket: Do it.
whoreson bob: i have a problem don't i?
King Bucket: Yes.
King Bucket: Yes you do.
kjata: the dark tower (Default)
Holy fuck Scott Weiland died. He was the vox for the soundtrack of my youth, just like Adam Yauch was, so I'm stunned and don't really know what to do with my hands or face when I think about it. So here we go, let's stop thinking about it.


About 60% done with writing my fic for the Cap/Iron Hols Exchange. Not gonna do this exchange again, simply because Age of Ultron has pervaded the MCU, and I refuse to deal with that shit.

Yuletide is tentatively outlined. Shit god damn the MC's voice is hard to get down. Never again check a fandom for a lark, self. You will always come to regret it.

My sign-up for the Hartwin exchange is... still in a nebulous stage, because I've been so focused on my Kingsman fic for extreme big bang that my head hasn't switched over. But it'll happen before the deadline, whatever.


I'm on Steam if you want to be friends. And to illustrate the goings-ons over there, namely with a game called Fist of Jesus...

homicidal porn merchant: TO KILL LEPERS, YOU THROW FISH AT THEM
homicidal porn merchant: [SOBS]
King Bucket: BECAUSE FISH ARE THE ENEMIES OF LEPERS
homicidal porn merchant: OBVS
homicidal porn merchant: I MISSED THAT PART IN CATHOLIC SCHOOL
homicidal porn merchant: BUT OKAY
King Bucket: AHAHA

and then later--

homicidal porn merchant: KILLED BOTH JESUS AND JUDAS, DAMNIT
King Bucket: You are the worst catholic on the planet.
homicidal porn merchant: I REALLY AM

I'm also playing Bastion like whoa, cos it's so so gorgeous. I'm not quite invested in the story yet, but having fun with the battle system and the graphics and the soundtrack, shit goddamn that soundtrack, so I figure the plot will unfold eventually and make me give a crap.
kjata: super mario nerd shirt (his vanity requires no response)
grue: ugh, thinking of writing a one-off Three's Company with Cthulhu as the John Ritter character
King Bucket: You have so many irons in the fire.
grue: lmao
grue: i'll never write half of them
grue: i just have dreams of writing all these cthulhu-fusions and littering ao3 with them
King Bucket: Then you'll just have a melted mass of irons and create a True Abomination™.


...she's right, you know. i'm working on a true abomination as we speak. his name is Harvey and he's got one of those wonderful healing dicks that squash spiders and work as stepladders when you're trying to reach the high-shelf in the kitchen.


also:
grue: I HAVE TO FIND IT BY SONAR
grue: ECHOLOCATION OR SOMMAT
King Bucket: KJATABAT.
grue: [sobs terribly]
kjata: tom waits & david bowie (out of the laughter that shattered)
Rules: Using only song titles from one artist/band, cleverly answer all fifteen questions.

01. Pick Your Artist: Tom Waits

02. Are You A Male or Female: Gun Street Girl
03. Describe Yourself: Pasties And A G-String (At The Two O'Clock Club)
04. How Do You Feel: I'm Your Late Night Evening Prostitute
05. Describe Where You Currently Live: Anywhere I Lay My Head
06. If You Could Go Anywhere Where Would You Go?: Whistlin' Past The Graveyard
07. Your Favorite Form of Transportation: Clang Boom Steam
08. Your Best Friend Is: Baby Gonna Leave Me
09. You And Your Best Friends Are: Big In Japan
10. What’s The Weather Like: Cold Water
11. Favorite Time of Day: On A Foggy Night
12. If Your Life Was A TV Show, What Would The Title Be: The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)
13. What Is Life To You: Don't Go Into That Barn
14. Your Relationship: Cemetery Polka
15. Your Fear: Starving In The Belly Of A Whale

I Tag: no one, I just wanted to answer smth with "Don't Go Into That Barn" cos I laugh.
kjata: the dark tower (i'm gonna get myself)
Marvel Cinematic Universe - Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Written for the 2014 Captain America/Iron Man Holiday Exchange
Wherein there is an interesting spore developing in Bruce's laboratory fridge, Tony has malingering protocols numbering in the triple digits, Bucky's an evil little shit, and the team tries to get drunk off of Muppets Avengers Live!

(Steve just wants to know why his counterpart is played by Big Bird.)

hosted on AO3




GUYS LOOK, I WROTE AND POSTED FIC FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2010. LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT.
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